She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
