Your dad touched me again.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
