How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
