The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
a search helicopter?!
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Randomize
