I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize