No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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