I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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