exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
