Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This is classic penis vs brain.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
