They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
