i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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