u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You made out with two different species that night
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
