I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
