I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize