she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
whose parrot is this?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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