Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
