He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
