I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
