Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
