if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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