Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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