remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
