I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
