finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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