I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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