I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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