She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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