Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
