My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
