She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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