Where are you?
In a non slutty way
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Randomize
