i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
