Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
