I love black thongs
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
