Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
birth control should be required to get into college
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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