sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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