she was so not down for the gang bang
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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