i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
