The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
