never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
