i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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