You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize