Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
