trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
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