great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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