nut hugger
so that wasnt chicken after all
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
