I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
