I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
