Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
jump out the window naked night went bad
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
