she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
