Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
