You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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