I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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