Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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