none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
two words...techno handjob
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
