I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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