Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize