When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
