I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
