What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
