i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
