That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
