Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
