i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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