Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
