I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
