I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
