Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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