Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Who died my cat blue again?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
