so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
