Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
