i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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