You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
