Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
