Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
