I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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