I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
