i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Please don't give away my fajitas
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