96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
