Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize