I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
