Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize