I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
So vagazzling was a success
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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