I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
