my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
