At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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