Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
