I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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