There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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