I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
