I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
