o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Randomize
