did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
