I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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