I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
