Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
