And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
